Wikivoyage:Joke articles/Time travel/British phrasebook

British English has shifted over the centuries, but this phrasebook with slight alteration will be applicable to the Britain from the 1860's to 1970's. Translating Chaucer might be a bit of a spot of work, chaps.

(see English language varieties for pronunciation and spelling differences between American and British English.)

Basics

 * Hello. : Good Morning. (HEH-low)
 * Hello. (informal) : Hello. (HIGH)
 * How are you? : How are you? (HOW ah YOO?)
 * Fine, thank you. : Jolly well, old chap. (FIGHN, then KYOO)
 * What is your name? : What is your name? (WUT iz yer NAYM?)
 * My name is ______ . : My name is ______ . (Migh NAYM iz _____ .)
 * Nice to meet you. : Nice to meet you. (NIGHSS t' meet YOO)
 * Please. : Please. (pleez)
 * Thank you. : Why, thank you. (THANK yoo)
 * You're welcome. : You're most welcome. (yuhr WEL-kuhm)
 * Yes. : Yes. (YESS)
 * No. : No. (NOH)
 * Excuse me. (getting attention) : Excuse me. (ehkz-KYOOZ mee)
 * Excuse me. (begging pardon) : Pardon me. (ehkz-KYOOZ mee)
 * I'm sorry. : I'm sorry. (IGHM SAW-ree)
 * Goodbye : Goodbye (if late) Good Night. (Forceful) Good Day, [Sir!](GUHD-bigh.)
 * Goodbye (informal) : Bye. (BIGH)


 * Help! : Help! (HEHLP!)
 * Look out! : Look out! (look OWT!)
 * Good morning. : Good morning. (guhd MOAN-ing)
 * Good evening. : Good evening. (guhd EEV-ning)
 * Good night. : Good night. (guhd NIGHT)
 * Good night (to sleep) : Good night. (good NIGHT)
 * I don't understand. : I am afraid I didn't get that. (IGH doan UHN-dur-STAND)
 * I don't think you are correct : I think you are mistaken.
 * Where is the toilet/john? : Where are the [gentleman's/ladies] conveniences? or Where is the loo? or Where can I spend a penny? (WAYR iz thuh TOY-leht?)
 * Where is the bathroom? : (assuming this is a euphemism and you don't actually intend to take a bath) Where is the loo?

Problems

 * Leave me alone. : Leave me alone! or Back off
 * Leave me alone (very strong) : Sod off! (...)
 * Don't touch me! : Keep your hands off me! (...)
 * I'll call the police. : I'll summon the law!/police/constable!/Bobby! (...)
 * Police! : Police! (...) also Bobby!/Constable! (...)
 * Stop! Thief! : Stop! (Pause) Thief! (...) or "Stop that man/woman!"
 * I need your help. : I require your [urgent] assistance. (...)
 * It's an emergency. : Apologies, It's an emergency! (...)
 * I'm lost. : I seem to have lost my way (...)
 * I lost my bag. : (lost) I have misplaced my bag. (...)  (stolen) My bag has been taken/snatched/stolen
 * I lost my purse : (lost, female) Where did I put my handbag? (stolen) My bag's been nicked!
 * I lost my wallet. : (lost) I have misplaced my wallet. (...) (stolen) My wallets been taken/stolen/snatched
 * I'm sick. : I'm sick. (...)
 * I've been injured. : I've suffered an injury, Can you assist me? (...)
 * I need a doctor. : Call for a/summon the doctor! (...)
 * Can I use your phone? : Do you mind if I use your phone? (...)
 * Fire! : Fire! (NB: This should NOT be used in a crowded venue, It would be wiser to alert the venue staff discreetly.)
 * This bag is not mine : This isn't my luggage.

Numbers
Broadly the same as American English, but note :


 * 1,000,000,000 : one thousand million or: one milliard
 * 1,000,000,000,000 : one billion
 * number _____ (train, bus, etc.) : a number _____ (...)

Also note that there are 4.5 litres in an Imperial gallon.

Telephone numbers

 * 1 plus... (toll call) : 0 + number (trunk call)
 * 011- : 00 (or pre late 90's) 010
 * 9-1-1 : 9-9-9, the national emergency number (1-1-2 is also valid in the post-EU era. In the London Director area, WHItehall 1212 rang Scotland Yard.)
 * PEnnsylvania 6-5000 : Pardon me, but could you please ring the innkeeper?

Clock time

 * one o'clock AM : one AM (...)
 * two o'clock AM : two AM (...)
 * one o'clock PM : one PM (...)
 * two o'clock PM : two PM (...)


 * 2·45 : quarter to 3
 * 3·50 : ten [minutes] to three
 * 3·55 : five [minutes] to three
 * 3·59 : One minute to three
 * 3·00 : three [o'clock]
 * 3·01 : one minute to three
 * 3·05 : five [minutes] to three


 * 3·10 : ten past three
 * 3·15 : quarter past 3 or three fifteen
 * 3·30 : three thirty; half four


 * noon (12·00): noon (...)
 * midnight (24·00 or 0·00) : midnight (...)


 * 3;00 am (same day) : three o'clock, this morning
 * 3;00 pm {same day) : three o'clock, this afternoon. or three o' clock today.
 * 3:00 am (next day) : three o'clock tomorrow morning.

(note: Approximations are common place... such as 3:20 would be "between three fifteen and three thirty"  or 3:08 "between 5 and ten past three"

Bus and train

 * How much is a ticket to _____? : "How much is a (single/return) for _____? (...) or "What is the fare for ...?"
 * One ticket to _____, please. : One (Single/return for) _____, please. (...)
 * Where does this train/bus go? : Where does this train/motorcoach go? (...)
 * Where is the train/bus to _____? : Where is the train/motorcoach for _____? (...)
 * Does this train/bus stop in _____? : Does this train/motorcoach stop at _____? (...)
 * When does the train/bus for _____ leave? : When does the train/motorcoach for _____ leave/depart? (...)
 * When will this train/bus arrive in _____? : When will this train/motorcoach arrive at _____? (...)

Directions

 * How do I get to _____ ? : How do I get to/find the ______? (...) or Where is the ______?
 * ...the train station? : railway station? (...)
 * ...the bus station? : ...the (motor) coach station? (...)
 * ...the airport? : ...the airport/aerodrome/landing field? (...)
 * ...downtown? : ...town centre? (...)
 * ...the _____ hotel? : ...the _____ inn? (...)
 * ... business premises of _____? : ... the offices of _____ (...)
 * ... site/park office ____? : ... (parks, countryside) relevant estate Office .. (industrial and construction projects, and ) works office.
 * ...the American/Canadian/Australian/British consulate? : ...the American consulate/consul? The Canadian/Australian deputy high commission? (...)
 * Where are there a lot of... : Where may I find a selection of ... (...)
 * ...hotels? : ...hotels/inns? (...)
 * ...restaurants? : ...restaurants? (...)
 * ...bars? : ...taverns/pubs? (...)
 * ...sites to see? : ...sites to see? (...)
 * Can you show me on the map? : Could you show me it on a map/plan ? (...)
 * street : of the street (...)
 * Turn left. : Turn left / Take a left (...)
 * Turn right. : Turn right. /Take a right (...)
 * Note: Both the former may amended to a named location form, "left/right at ________ " )
 * left : left (...)
 * right : right (...)
 * straight ahead : straight ahead/Straight on [at the _____] (...)
 * towards the _____ : towards the _____ (...)
 * past the _____ : past/after the _____ (...)
 * before the _____ : before the _____ (...)
 * Watch for the _____. : Watch for the _____. (...)
 * intersection : crossroads, junction of ____ and ____ (...)
 * north : north (...)
 * south : south (...)
 * east : east (...)
 * west : west (...)
 * uphill : uphill (...)
 * downhill : downhill (...)

Notes:
 * In Scots speaking areas you may encounter a taboo about 'widdershins' (counter clockwise) directions.

Taxi

 * a taxi : a hackney carriage or cab
 * Taxi! : Taxi! (...)
 * Take me to _____, please. : Take me to _____, please. (...)
 * How much does it cost to get to _____? : What's the fare to _____? (...)
 * Take me there, please. : Take me there, please. (...)
 * This isn't the way to _____ : This isn't the way to _____ is it?
 * Not so Fast: A little less rough, please.
 * Stop! I feel sick! : Stop the Cab! Something I had for (lunch/supper/dinner/etc..) has disagreed with me.

Lodging

 * Do you have any rooms available? : Do you have a room? or Is there any room at the inn? (...)
 * How much is a room for one person/two people? : Board for one person/two people would be? (...)
 * Does the room come with... : Does the room come with... (...)
 * ...bedsheets? : ...linens? (...)
 * ...a bathroom? : ...a bathroom? a water closet? (...)
 * ...a telephone? : ...a telephone? (...)


 * May I see the room first? : May I see the room first? (...)
 * Do you have anything quieter? : Do you have anything away from the street/motorway? (...)
 * ...bigger? : ...bigger? (...)
 * ...cleaner? : ...cleaner? (...)
 * ...cheaper? : ...for a lower budget (...)
 * ...that isn't haunted? : ...that isn't haunted?
 * OK, I'll take it. : OK, I'll take it. (...)
 * I will stay for _____ night(s). : I will be staying/stopping for _____ night(s). (...)
 * Can you suggest another hotel? : Can you suggest another venue? (...)
 * Do you have a safe? : Do you have a safe? (...)
 * ...lockers? : ...somewhere I could leave luggage? (...)
 * Is breakfast/supper included? : Are meals included? (...)
 * What time is breakfast/supper? : What time is breakfast/supper? (...)
 * Please clean my room. : My/The room is filthy. Please arrange for this to be remedied (...)
 * Can you wake me at _____? : Can you wake me at _____? (...)
 * I want to check out. : I would like to check out. (...)
 * They check in, but they don't check out. : A fine rubbish tip you have here, chaps.

Money
''The pre-1971 British pound (￡1) consists of 20 shillings or 240 pence. One guinea is ￡1, 1s.''


 * Do you accept American dollars? : Do you accept American dollars? (...) Will you take American dollars?
 * Do you take personal/travellers checks?: Will a personal cheque/draft/travellers cheque be acceptable? (In English, to "check" is to verify. In Canada, "check" is likely a hockey term, eh?)
 * Do you accept credit cards? : (Earlier eras) Is a letter of credit acceptable? (...)
 * BankAmericard (Visa) : Barclaycard
 * MasterCharge (MasterCard) : Access, EuroCard (not to be confused with EuroCheque, a cheque-cashing card or "guarantee card".)
 * Can you change money for me? : Can you exchange money for me? (...)
 * Where can I get money changed? : Where can I get money exchanged? (...)
 * Can you change a traveler's check for me? : Where could I get a cheque cashed? (...)
 * Where can I get a traveler's check changed? : Where can I get a traveller's cheque changed? (...)
 * What is the exchange rate? : What is the exchange rate? (...)
 * Where is the teller/cashier : Where can I find the teller/cashier/ (on ships) purser?
 * Where is an automatic teller machine (ATM)? : Where is the cashpoint? (...)
 * Where is someone that CAN do this? : Where is the manager? the proprietor? the landlord?

Eating
(Note: In some more expensive eateries, the menu will be in French or Italian. If the menu is in American and covered with McDrivelLand characters, choose another restaurant.)
 * A table for one person/two people, please. : I would like a/ or Do you have a table for one person/two people, please. (...)
 * I do not have a reservation : I have not booked. (...)
 * Can I look at the menu, please? : Can I examine the menu, please? (...)
 * Can I look in the kitchen? : Can I inspect the kitchens? (...)
 * Is there a house specialty? : Is there a house speciality? (...)
 * Is there a local specialty? : Is there a local speciality? (...)
 * I'm a vegetarian. : I murder poor, defenceless vegetables. (...)
 * I don't eat pork. : I don't eat pork. (...)
 * I don't eat beef. : I am not one of the legendary Beefeaters. (...)
 * I only eat kosher food. : I only eat kosher food. (...)
 * I can't eat ____ because _____. : I can't eat ____ because ____. Can your establishment accommodate this?
 * Can you make it "lite"/"light", please? (less oil/butter/lard) : Can you use less "fat/oil/butter/lard", please? (...)
 * fixed-price meal : fixed-price meal (...)
 * a la carte : à la carte (...)
 * breakfast : breakfast (...)
 * lunch : lunch / luncheon (...)
 * tea (meal) : tea (...)
 * supper : supper (...)
 * I want _____. : Do you have _____. (...)
 * I want a dish containing _____. : Do you have a dish containing _____. (...)
 * chicken : chicken (...)
 * beef : beef (...)
 * fish : fish (...)
 * ham : ham (...)
 * sausage : sausage (...)
 * cheese : cheese (...)
 * eggs : eggs (...)
 * salad : salad (...)
 * (fresh) vegetables : (fresh) vegetables (...)
 * (fresh) fruit : (fresh) fruit (...)
 * bread : bread (...)
 * toast : toast (...)
 * noodles : noodles (...)
 * rice : rice (...)
 * beans : beans (...)
 * May I have a glass of _____? : A glass of _____, Please? (...)
 * May I have a cup of _____? : A cup of _____, Please? (...)
 * May I have a bottle of _____? :A bottle of _____?, Please (...)
 * coffee : coffee (...)
 * tea (drink) : tea (...)
 * juice : juice (...)
 * (bubbly) water : mineral water (...)
 * water : water (...)
 * beer : beer (...)
 * red/white wine : red/white [wine] (...)
 * May I have some _____? : May I have some _____? (...)
 * salt : salt (...)
 * black pepper : black pepper (...)
 * butter : butter (...)
 * Excuse me, waiter? (getting attention of server): Excuse me, waiter? (...)  or the French Garçon! (Boy!)
 * I'm finished. : I have finished. (...)
 * It was delicious. : It was excellent. My compliments to the chef. (...)
 * Please clear the plates. : Please clear the plates. (...)
 * The check, please. : The bill, please. (...)
 * I wish to speak to the manager! : The manager/landlord, please? (...)

Bars (also applicable to Pubs/Inns and Taverns)

 * Do you serve alcohol? : Do you serve alcohol? (...)
 * Is there table service? : Is there table service? (...)
 * A beer/two beers, please. : A beer/two beers, please. (...)
 * A glass of red/white wine, please. : A glass of red/white wine, please. (...)
 * A pint, please. : A pint, please. (...)
 * A bottle, please. : A bottle, please. (...)
 * _____ (hard liquor) and _____ (mixer), please. : _____ and _____, please. (...)
 * whiskey : whiskey (...) (or depending on your tastes) 'single malt','scotch'
 * vodka : vodka (...)
 * rum : rum (...)
 * water : water (...)
 * club soda : soda [water] (...)
 * tonic water : tonic water (...)
 * orange juice : orange juice (...)
 * Coke (soda) : Coke (...)
 * Do you have any bar snacks? : Do you serve bar snacks? (...)
 * One more, please. : One more, please. (...)
 * Another round, please. : Another round, please. (...)
 * When is closing time? : When do you close? (...) (NB. Strict Licensing is from the Late 1910s's to mid 1990's and pubs close at 11pm punctually.)
 * Cheers! : Cheers! (...)
 * I wish to speak to the manager/proprietor! :the Landlord, please?
 * Here's a tip (paying a gratuity) : And one for yourself?

Shopping

 * Do you have this in my size? : Do you have this in my size? (...)
 * How much is this? : How much is this? (...)
 * That's too expensive. : Sorry, It's beyond my means (...)
 * Would you take _____? : Would you take _____? (...)
 * expensive : rather dear, I must say (...)
 * cheap : cheap (...)
 * I can't afford it. : I can't afford it. (...)
 * I don't want it. : I don't really fancy that. (...)
 * You're cheating me. : You're cheating me. (...)
 * I'm not interested. : Forget it!. (..)
 * OK, I'll take it. : OK, I'll take it. (...)
 * Can I have a bag? : Can I have a bag? (...) or Is it possible to get it wrapped?
 * Do you ship (overseas)? : Do you ship (overseas)? (...)
 * Which way is the drugstore? : Could you please direct me to the chemist's shoppe?


 * I need... : I need... (...)
 * ...toothpaste. : ...toothpaste. (...)
 * ...a toothbrush. : ...a toothbrush. (...)
 * ...tampons. : ...a feminine item. (...)
 * ...soap. : ...soap. (...)
 * ...shampoo. : ...shampoo. (...) (Note: There are strict limits on sham poo in 21st century carry-on baggage. Bring the real poo instead.)
 * ...pain reliever. (e.g., aspirin or ibuprofen) : asprin/painkiller (...)
 * ...acetaminophen. : ...paracetamol.
 * ...cold medicine. : ...a remedy for colds. (...)
 * ...stomach medicine. : ...stomach medicine. (...)
 * ...a razor. : ...a safety razor. (...)
 * ...an umbrella. : ...an umbrella. (...)
 * ...sunblock lotion. : ...sun protection. (...)
 * ...male contraceptive devices : something for the weekend (NB. You should be very sure of the man you are asking this of!)
 * ...a postcard. : ...a postcard. (...)
 * ...postage stamps. : ...postage stamps. (...)
 * ...batteries. : ...batteries. (...)
 * ...writing paper. : ...writing paper. (...)
 * ...a pen. : ...a pen. (...)
 * ...English-language books. : ...English-language books. (...)
 * ...English-language magazines. : ..."popular" magazines/journals. (...)
 * ...an English-language newspaper. : ...a Fleet Street broadsheet. (...)
 * ...an English-American dictionary. : ...a translation dictionary. (...)
 * ...My hovercraft is full of eels. : ...wha??

Driving

 * I want to rent an automobile. : I wish to hire a motor car/horseless carriage. (...)
 * Can you show me how it works? : I'm not familiar with this type of vehicle, can you advise on its correct operation?
 * Is this vehicle insured, taxed? : Does this vehicle have insurance/a tax disc?
 * Can I get insurance? : Can I get this insured? (...)
 * hood : bonnet
 * trunk : boot
 * car, automobile : motorcar
 * Interstate, freeway, turnpike : motorway
 * traffic circle : roundabout
 * stop (on a street sign) : STOP! (...)
 * one way : one way (...)
 * keep right : No, you blimey fool! Keep left! Oh, and stay off the pavement or you will jolly well hit a pedestrian!
 * yield : GIVE WAY (...)
 * no parking : no parking (...)
 * speed limit : speed limit (...) but may be shown numerically.
 * gasoline station : Garage, petrol station, filling station, forecourt (...)
 * gas, gasoline : petrol (...)
 * diesel : diesel (...)

Authority

 * Why have I been stopped? : What seems to be the trouble officer (if you know the rank: Constable/Sergeant/Inspector )?
 * I haven't done anything wrong. : I'm sorry (officer/Constable/Sergeant/Inspector) but I think you'll find there's been a mistake. (...)
 * It was a misunderstanding. : There appears to have been a bit of a misunderstanding. (...)
 * I did not throw the governor's tea in the harbor. : Blimey, gov, you don't mean me, do ya?
 * Where are you taking me? : Where are you taking me? (...)
 * Am I under arrest? : Am I being arrested? (...)
 * I am an American/Australian/British/Canadian citizen. : I am an American/Australian/British/Canadian (citizen). I am a loyal subject of his/her majesty king xy / queen whatsherface (...)
 * I want to talk to the American/Australian/British/Canadian embassy/consulate. : I need to talk to the American consul/official for the Colonies/Foreign Office/Australian representative/Canadian representative. (Australia and Canada send High Commissioners, not ambassadors as, like the UK, they are Commonwealth realms.) (...)
 * I want to talk to a lawyer. : Allow me to speak with/I would like to speak with, my solicitor/legal advisor. (...) or I would like legal advice before I say anything. (In the UK, but not the colonies, barrister is a separate occupation from solicitor.)
 * Can I just pay a fine now? : Is there a fine/penalty to be paid? (...)( Note: Fines and penalties in the UK, for the most part were not paid on the spot like on the continent. Also a perceived bribe was a very serious matter indeed.)

Other language points to note
?

Words with different meanings
(see also English_language_varieties)

The British meaning is given..
 * ass : Donkey, mule, beast of burden, (Do not use this expression to describe an idiot.)
 * Fags : (English) cigarettes. "I will not buy this tobacconist, it is scratched."
 * Fanny : (English) front bottom, (American) back bottom (A "fanny pack" therefore translates into English as a "bum bag".)
 * Be careful! - The English usage of this OTHER than as a proper name, is considered an obscene vulgarity.


 * [to] table (v.) : Place up for consideration
 * nick : In verb usage similar to American, but also used as a slang term for police facility/prison.
 * pants : [male] undergarments.
 * rubber : has various meanings; if you walk out of the chemists with a rubber boot, you have erred and may need a rubber to erase your mistake
 * scrumpy : Extreme from of hard cider.
 * transfer (transport) : connection